Rainy and dreary

It's rainy and dreary today.  I didn't want to come to work today.  It is a perfect day to stay home and cuddle in with a book.  Instead, I'm in the office drinking coffee and preparing for an 11 am meeting. 

I was gifted a Book of the Month subscription and a Kindle last Christmas.  Perfect combination for the reader in your life.  I get a hard copy book then supplement with the Kindle.  I just finished reading "Riding the Bus with my Sister".  The story hits near and dear to my heart since Turtle has special needs.  I thought it was written fairly recently when I started reading it, only to discover the book was written about 10 years ago.  I wish I had read it then, to prepare me for the challenges ahead with my sister.  The story really hits home.  There was even a Hallmark movie made about it.  If I were at home today, I would try to find it and watch it...it's a cuddle down day.

Instead, I am here.  In the office.  Preparing to talk about rental cars.  Don't be jealous.

The One with the Turtle

Turtle calls me via Skype every day.  Multiple times a day.

The 3rd call last night went like this:

Turtle:  I'm calling to say Hi.  I love you.  My staff told me I can't have my snack.
Me:  I love you too.  Why can't you have a snack?
Turtle:  I didn't take a bath when I got home.  I went to rest because I was tired.  That's not the deal.  I get a snack.
Me:  Did you explain to your staff that you always get a snack?
Turtle:  No.  What am I supposed to do?
Me:  Calmly go tell her that you get a snack no matter what.  Call me back if you need to.
....3 minutes goes by....phone rings....
Turtle:  My staff wants to talk to you
Me:  Put her on the phone.

I then launch into the food rules and tell the staff where the menu is posted.  They ask me how to control her "behaviors", like slamming doors and cursing.  I explain that they need to stay calm and re-direct her.  Food is not a reward or a punishment.  They gave her a snack.  Turtle didn't call back.

Big Daddy then pondered if there are methods for discipline that we haven't tried.  There must be consequences for bad behavior, just as with anyone else.  Does she get a pass because she is IDD?  I suggested that her behaviors are reactions to the inability to cope with anxiety due to changes in the routine. Think back to her response:  "I get a snack, that's the deal".  Slamming a door over a forgone banana is an excessive response to normally functioning folks. But to her, them's fightin words and you better believe she's slamming doors and cussing you out to get that snack. 

Genetically, she tested negative for Prader-Willi Syndrome, but clinically, she's PWS all day.

What Resolutions?

Habit (noun) -   a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.
Resolution (noun) - a firm decision to do or not to do something.

I have come to this conclusion: At this point in my life, time is running out on accomplishing "Goals." I'm not pessimistic.  Or a doomsday person.  I have just decided to see things differently.

That Big Career? The time has long passed for that to happen, assuming I had a Dream Job.  Though I know many people who have secondary careers and people who finally decide take the leap to strive for the dream job after becoming financially secure. I'm not sure I've ever had a Dream Job.  I am able to do all kinds of jobs, so I don't think the Goal of the Dream Job really applies to me. Certainly not in the way Action has a dream job.  I think what I really have is a Dream Lifestyle, which I have lived at certain points in my life, so I'm not exactly late to the party.  I just want to have more and more of those moments on a regular basis.  The glimpses were good.  I want more.

Being Financially Secure?  There are degrees of financial security.  Time value of money and principals of saving and investing dictate that we start saving and investing when young.  Which we did and on a regular basis.  We also try to live within a decent standard.  We don't drive new cars.  We bought a modest house in a modest neighborhood. We try not to be wasteful.  We try to be charitable. Confession: we travel a bit already.  That doesn't stop Big Daddy from announcing to me each and every year that we need to save even more than last year's goal in order to retire.  He has an idea of a Dream Lifestyle as well.  Apparently, it requires a number with lots of zeros.

So, with that said, I'm focusing on new Habits in 2020.  Not goals. Not resolutions.  To get the Dream Lifestyle, I need to incorporate different habits that will allow me to start Living the Dream each day.  At least that's the idea.

So what is the Dream Lifestyle? 
It's simplified, elevated living.
It's more vacation, and less obligation.
It's more time or interaction with the people that mean the most.

What habits allow that to happen now?  I'm starting simply with a few habits that are attainable.  Generally speaking, I'm trying to develop a habit within each category above.

• De-clutter and keep only what I love most. (Goodbye to the item I don't love that was given to me by someone I do love, therefore I have kept it).  Systematically go through one closet/drawer/box each weekend. 
• Stop shopping for meaningless things (Yes, that little home decoration is cute, but what meaning does it have?  Was it from a special place or just on sale at Hobby Lobby?) Constant struggle that I am fully practicing every day.
• Go to our camp more often.  Our kids have special memories there.  We never make the time to go.  I often wonder why the place isn't a priority in the schedule.  My plan is once per quarter, because that's the only frequency which seems attainable. Big Daddy says he can't commit to that.
• Hand-write and mail a letter each week.  It doesn't have to be to the same person each time, but I do have a short-list of people at the moment.
• Start each day with a glass of water instead of coffee.  This habit will improve my skin and overall health.
• Stretch for 10 minutes each day.  Again, a health sustaining item.  Living the Dream requires the Living part.  I had a recent bout with a strained muscle in my back.  Mobility is a new priority.

And that's it for the moment.  New habits are hard to form, even harder than resolutions are to keep.  By recording them here, I hope to hold myself accountable.

Hey look....it's 2020

Well that went by quickly.  When people tell you "don't blink" when referring to child-rearing, pay attention.  Here I am in January of 2020, on the cusp of having my oldest child, Skibbie, graduate from college and my youngest child, Action, start auditioning for professional company contracts.

Do you know what that means?

By this summer, both of my kids will have meaningful, fulfilling, PAYING JOBS.

The kind of jobs where I can say, "Get your own car insurance" or, "Get your own cell phone plan."

The kind of jobs where we can close the Bank of Dad.  

And how in the world did that happen?  I just gave birth to Action in 2000.  Skibbie was only 3 then. How have 20 years gone by already?  I mean, I know that was the plan....have kids, raise them to be productive, contributing adults to society, blah blah blah.  But what happened to my babies?  Where are the crumbs and crayons? What happened to the non-stop schedule of activities?  I just can't believe it's all over.

I'm still getting used to going home to the dog most nights.  (Note: I come home to a different house from a different job.  I changed jobs in March 2018 and we moved house in Aug 2019.  We gather no moss people.)  I'm still getting used to cooking for 2 people.  I am getting used to minimal laundry and a finding the kitchen clean each morning...exactly as I left it the night before, not dirtied by teenage gremlins overnight.

And I'm grateful.

Grateful for the health and well-being of my children.

Grateful for my own health and well-being and Big Daddy's.

Grateful my children have launched.

Grateful I have a lovely home. 

Grateful for a good job, and Big Daddy's job.

Grateful for the pooping, peeing dog that's waiting for me at home each day.

Time marches on and 2020 will be no exception.  Skibbie has convinced me that blogging should be a habit I resurrect, so I will attempt it as part of my "New Habits of 2020".

More on that later.

On this blog.

Hurricane Harvey has us Mucked Up

We sustained ZERO damage from Hurricane Harvey.  I wish that was true for everyone. I don't have survivor guilt.  I don't think of that way.  In my view, we need to be His hands and feet.  We are helpers sent on mission to spread the light and love of God's word and do His work.

The damage sustained by others ranges from hourly employees losing wages for unworked time when we were all forced to stay home to completely flooded homes where the water didn't recede until a few days ago.

We've helped muck out (the term for demolition of a flooded home) 3 different houses.  Each with different stages of flooding...from a few inches to several feet.  The process and amount of work is the same.  Throwing out furniture, ripping out cabinets, removing sheetrock and dripping wet insulation and pulling up flooring (wood, tile and carpet) are the basics.  The only difference is how far up the wall you take out the sheet rock. 

By far the worst house was the one where the flood and sewage waters sat for over 2 weeks.  Sheetrock becomes shit-rock.  The smell is unreal.  Masks, gloves, eye protection, solid shoes and long sleeves/pants are a must.  I wish I'd had a hard hat because I backed into hanging light fixtures too many times. 

How would you feel to lose everything in one day?  Your cars, use of your home, the possessions you've accumulated through work or inheritance, your wedding photos?  I can't wrap my mind around it.  The verse that keeps coming to me is Matthew 6:19-21

19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: 20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: 21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

I understand the lesson Jesus is teaching us with this verse.  Our focus should be on spreading His gospel and doing His works.  We should be working for Him and through Him every day. That being said, we all still need a home, a car to get to work and jobs to earn money in order to pay for food, shelter and transportation.  To see the efforts of a person's daily toils laying on the lawn for all to see is soul-crushing.  The curb piles include special Christmas decorations covered in rancid mud, antique furniture warped beyond repair, the demolished contents of recently renovated "dream kitchens"....all the tangible items to which our memories and dreams are tied.  Yes, it's just stuff.  But recognizing the stuff has meaning is valid.  What sacrifices were made in order to purchase the items in the home?  What memories do that special souvenir or book or letter or ornament invoke?   What special event or person do those photos provide a record?  I can't reconcile it all.  I'm not smart enough for that.  I can only pray, muck, and pray some more.